Harry Potter meets POTC meets Moulin Rouge
by DaftLikeJack22
Summary: Toulouse is at it again! Spectacular Spectacular is back after the last success. This year, though, Satine has requested reinforcements( No, in this story she is NOT dead)
1. Introduction

DISCLAIMER: This is a Harry Potter/ Moulin Rouge/ Pirates of the Caribbean crossover. It is completely insane and is NOT supposed to make sense. Please read a review this madness and I hope you enjoy.

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"Who's here for the Spectacular Spectacular rehearsal?" Satine asked, softly, lying on her bed in the elephant.  
  
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Sirius Black, Rubeus Hagrid, and Mad-eye Moody. She acknowledged all of them and repeated her question.  
  
"Is there no one else?" Satine asked.  
  
She looked over by the door, where Jack Sparrow, Will Turner, Elizabeth Swann, Commodore Norrington and Joshamee Gibbs standing. Also, she saw Toulouse-Lautrec, Christian, the unconscious Argentinean, Zidler and Satie.  
  
"Ok. What are we doing here?" Ron asked, chomping on a chocolate frog.  
  
"We are here for a Spectacular Spectacular rehearsal. The play is happening at the Moulin Rouge." Christian explained.  
  
"Mum is going to kill me. Isn't that a nightclub?" Ron asked.  
  
"Yer right, mate. I've been 'ere many times. It's nice." Jack commented.  
  
"Ok. We're going to start! Harry, Jack, Christian, pick a partner to sing with. A partner from your 'group'." Toulouse commanded.  
  
"I pick...Sirius." Harry said slowly.  
  
"I don't know! All my 'groupies' are EUNUCHS!" Jack said angrily, and then added, "Except for Elizabeth who is a woman."  
  
"I pick Satine." Christian replied without delay.  
  
"Ok. Get together with the other partners. Jack, get a partner. Then, Satie will start to play the piano. Ready? START!"  
  
A scale was played on the piano and then Satine started to play 'Come What May'.  
  
"Come what may. I will love you until my dying day!" Satine sang.  
  
The background music of Spectacular Spectacular played next.  
  
"Spectacular, Spectacular!" Zidler yelled.  
  
"People think...I'm a mass murderer!" Sirius yelled.  
  
"Can't describe this great event!" Zidler continued.  
  
"Imperio, Crucio, Avada Kadavra! I'll be dead sooner than this is over!" Harry sang tonelessly.  
  
"Returns are fixed at 10 percent." Zidler sang.  
  
"You must agree.... GET OFF MY PANTS!" Jack yelled, smacking Hermione's hand.  
  
"And on top...of your fee..."  
  
"You'll be involved artistically." All of them sang.  
  
Hermione gasped as Jack glared at her.  
  
"I'm sorry! I just thought you might want to join S.P.E.W." Hermione asked, interested deeply by the pirate.  
  
"Bloody 'ell." Ron muttered to Harry, who was standing next to Will.  
  
"Spew? What in the world is SPEW?" Jack asked.  
  
"No, No, No! It's S.P.E.W!" Hermione replied, giggling.  
  
"Oh I see. How much money do you want?" Jack asked, pulling out a satchel of gold coins.  
  
"Leprechaun gold." Ron growled. "He's trying to donate LEPRECHAUN gold."  
  
Jack looked at Hermione and handed her the whole satchel. She grinned gratefully. Harry noticed it wasn't leprechaun gold, but muggle money. Ron started muttering nonsense angrily. Sirius looked at Harry and they both laughed. Christian looked up from Satine's bedside. Toulouse smiled and signaled for Ron, Hermione, Satine, Christian, Elizabeth and Will.  
  
"Ok. We are going to sing the elephant love medley. First off, Ron and Hermione." Toulouse explained.  
  
"Why must I go with Hermione? Why does EVERYONE think I like Hermione?!" Ron interrogated the group.  
  
"Just do it, Ron." Hagrid said.

"Fine." Ron mumbled.  
  
He looked down at the script.  
  
"I have to snap my fingers while pronouncing my love for Hermione? How dumb can you get?" Ron grumbled.  
  
"Ok. Start it Satie." Toulouse instructed.

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If you like this story, you'll hear elephant love medley between Ron and Hermione. If you don't...I'm not sure! R&R!


	2. Elephant Love Medley

> None of this story is meant to be offensive to homosexuals. If it is offensive to anyone, I will take it down straight away. This chapter is dedicated to my friend, Kailee, the biggest D/H shipper of them all.
> 
> * * *
> 
> "One, two..." Toulouse started, but the door opened with a crash and standing in it was none other than...DRACO MALFOY???  
  
"WHY AREN'T I IN THIS??? SLYTHERIN IS BETTER!!!!!" Draco screamed at the occupants of the room.  
  
"Harry, get over here." Satine ordered.  
  
Harry sulked over, but Draco was eyeing him over. Satine glared at both of them then said something very unexpected.  
  
"You two are doing Elephant Love Medley." Satine said.  
  
"YES!" Ron and Draco both yelled, enthusiastically.  
  
Hermione and Harry both lowered their heads in agony. Sirius was looking rather offended, but Alastor Moody was trying hard to conceal fits of laughter. Christian handed Draco and Harry the skits, containing laughter also. Toulouse told them to pick their parts. Draco eagerly picked Christian's part, laughing to himself. Harry picked Satine's part, mumbling curse words under his breath.  
  
"I was made for lovin' you, bab-by. You were made for lovin' me." Draco sang, raising his eyebrows suggestively.  
  
"The only way of loving me, baby, is to pay a lovely fee." Harry read.  
  
"HOW ABOUT 100 GALLEONS?" Draco exclaimed.  
  
"Stick to the script Malfoy." Hagrid spat.  
  
"Just one night, give me, just one night!" Draco recited.  
  
"There's no way, cause I'M NOT GAY!" Harry yelled.  
  
"In the NAME of love, one night in the name of love!" Draco sang beautifully.  
  
"I can't do this..." Harry said, running to the corner of the room.  
  
"Harry..." Sirius said, running after him.  
  
Ron put his hand to his forehead, knowing if Harry quit, he would have to do it with Hermione and he just DIDN'T WANT THAT. Draco sat in the middle of the room, looking absolutely heartbroken. He recovered and put on his usual sneer. He walked over to Ron and Hermione coolly, as if he hadn't just proclaimed his love for Harry.  
  
"Hello Weasel. That was interesting. Potter obviously didn't see it was a joke." Draco said.  
  
"Oh ok. It was all a joke." Hermione replied.  
  
"Duh, Granger. What did you think?" Draco said, eyeing her suspiciously.  
  
"Well, personally I thought you were putting the moves on Harry." Ron said gruffly.  
  
"NO!" Draco said, but Ron could see him blushing slightly.  
  
"Ok, Malfoy. Well, I think Harry is headed for a mental breakdown." Ron said, looking over at Harry and Sirius on the ground.  
  
"OK! Enough with the drama! On with 'El Tango De Roxanne'!" The Unconscious Argentinean exclaimed.


End file.
